We the People vs. State of Oregon
Putting the state on trial for Crimes Against Humanity
(We the People vs. State of Oregon continues. Coverage of Part 1 can be found here)
Author’s note: This account is satire. However many of the quotes used in this satirical account were lifted directly from published interviews or public testimony by Dr. Sidelinger.
What kind of people led Oregon through this pandemic? People of courage who valued freedom over fear and stood on the front lines with heads held high? Or cowardly bureaucrats who inoculated the population with their own morbid apprehensions?
Court is now in session, the Honorable Judge Chicken Little presiding.
Prosecutor Rooster Booster: “We the People charge the State of Oregon with Crimes Against Humanity. The prosecution will continue to present its case that the State has caused pain, suffering and irreparable harm to the people of Oregon, violated their civil rights and engaged in racketeering for the benefit of the pharmaceutical industry.”
Booster: “We call the next defendant to the stand, Dr. Dean Sidelinger.”
Dr. Sidelinger, a pudgy middle-aged man shaped like honey bear bottle, takes the stand. He is wearing a tattersall checked shirt and a garish bow tie.
Booster: “Can you please state your name and position for the court?”
Sidelinger: “I’m Dr. Dean Sidelinger, state health officer and state epidemiologist.”
Booster: “Dr. Sidelinger, can you tell the court what qualifies you to call yourself state epidemiologist?”
Dr. Dean: “I worked in a large integrated health, social and housing agency trying to integrate services across multiple departments that serve people in different ways.”1
Booster: “But what exactly are your credentials, your qualifications? Are you board certified in epidemiology? Do you have a masters degree in epidemiology?”
Dr. Dean: “I get to work across multiple departments and divisions that are working to support the health of Oregonians.”
Booster (turns to Judge Chicken Little): “Your honor, I believe the defense has placed a robot on the stand.”
Judge Chicken Little: “Approach the bench. (Surreptitiously hands Booster a vaccine syringe) “Give him a little prick!”
Dr. Dean: “I beg your pardon?!!!”
Booster: “Don’t get excited, we just want to be sure you’re human.”
Dr. Dean (stiffly): “I can assure you, I am, old man. Take a look at my life!”2
Booster: “Very well, then Doctor. Your official bio shows that you studied pediatrics and then went straight into government service. So you never actually practiced medicine beyond your time in medical school?”
Dr. Dean: “I served the people of San Diego through diverse and interconnected cross collaborations between multiple departments …”
Booster: “More directly, Dr. Sidelinger, do you have any formal training or clinical experience in epidemiology?”
Dr. Dean (looking indignant): “It says State Epidemiologist on my red OHA vest.”
Booster: “Judge, we’d like to introduce this photo of the red OHA vest as evidence of outrageous State fraud.”
Booster: “Dr. Sidelinger! Please tell the court about your formal training.”
Dr. Dean: “I did a residency at the University of Tennessee followed by a fellowship in community pediatrics at the University of California.”
Booster: “So you’re a pediatrician.”
Dr. Dean (defensively): “I also have a Masters in Education.”
Booster: “I don’t think that qualifies you to call yourself an epidemiologist. 3 I’m told that you make the medical decisions for the Oregon Health Authority and that OHA Director Pat Allen defers to you in all health policy decision making.”
Defense Attorney Salem Numbnutz: “Objection! Leading the witness!”
Dr. Dean: “I work across multiple departments and divisions to generate consensus between intersectional units that serve the health care needs of a diverse population.”
Booster: “Dr. Sidelinger, Governor Brown makes decisions that impact children, but she has no children of her own. Do you and your husband Greg have children of your own? Was it you who made the call to make Oregon’s school children wear masks, even outside?”
Nümbnutz: “Objection! The defendant’s personal life has no bearing …”
Judge Chicken Little: “Sustained.”
Dr. Dean: “Oh, I love working with children. They ask for French fries and want to play.”4
Booster: “So who decided to make school children wear masks? Colt Gill at ODE? Before Covid, Dr. Sidelinger stated that masks don’t work in community settings. Judge, I’d like to introduce the statement previously made by Dr. Sidelinger.”
Dr. Dean: “We follow science and, well, science changes. The Oregon Health Authority adheres closely to CDC science ... I mean guidance.”
Booster: “Yes. In fact you follow CDC guidance so closely that Oregon might as well cut out the middleman — that’s you — and take policy direction directly from Rochelle Walensky and Anthony Fauci. And after the gold rush of federal payments OHA got, we can understand why. That would explain the Governor’s relentless push to vaccinate every last man, woman and child in Oregon, am I correct?”
Dr. Dean (shrugs): “Gone are the days where we can put out a sign on the sidewalk and say COVID vaccines and people will line up.”5
Booster: “And yet you haven’t been very transparent about communicating the risks these vaccines pose? 1,088,560 adverse reactions, 23,149 deaths and 183,311 serious injuries between Dec. 14, 2020, and Jan. 28, 2022 have been reported to VAERS, and many experts believe there’s significant under reporting due to pressure from hospital administrators and the difficulty of filing a VAERs report. OHA never talks about the risks. I’ve met the vaccine injured. I’ve seen the needle and the damage done! Is this informed consent?”
Dr. Dean: “It can be frustrating, but we have to figure out how to combat the misinformation. ”6
Booster: “Dr. Sidelinger, Oregon required that all health care workers in Oregon be fully vaccinated or lose their jobs and even their licenses. Now we have a shortage of staffed beds, and we have Covid positive nurses being told to come to work. Wouldn’t we be better off having healthy unvaccinated nurses treating patients instead of Covid positive nurses?”
Dr. Dean: “Those nurses are fully vaccinated so we feel it falls within the safety guidelines established by the CDC.”
Booster: “We also have National Guard doing hospital janitor duties because so many quit or were fired rather than be injected against their will.”
Dr. Dean: “I couldn’t be prouder. It really shows we’re all in this together!”
Booster (snorts): “That’s coercion! What about alternatives? Could many of the hospitalizations been avoided through the use of repurposed drugs like ivermectin, hydroxychloroquine and fluvoxamine? Did OHA endorse any early intervention protocols?”
Dr. Dean: “As a science-based agency dedicated to protecting all Oregonians we follow guidance from the CDC and FDA. There’s a lot of misinformation about drugs that haven’t been approved for the treatment on Covid by the FDA.”
Booster: “Are you aware that 20% of all prescriptions are done off label? FDA approval is not required and the FDA should not be telling doctors how to practice medicine. Is there anything you and OHA have done that hasn’t been approved by the FDA or the CDC?”
Dr. Dean: “I’m proud of the way we’ve worked across multiple public health agencies and divisions that are working to support the health of Oregonians.”
Booster (throws up his hands): “I have no further questions, Judge.”
Judge Chicken Little: “Mr. Nümbnutz, do you intend to cross?”
Nümbnutz: “I do, your Honor.”
Judge Chicken Little (muttering): “I’ll be waiting till the morning comes …”
Nümbnutz: “Dr. Sidelinger, why is vaccination so important to you?”
Dr. Dean: “Nearly all the Covid deaths were preventable. The numbers tell us nearly all of these people were unvaccinated. And I wonder, what could we have done to get them vaccinated? (voice wavering) What questions could we have answered, is there a place in their community that we could have directed them to? Were they basing their decision on misinformation that we could have countered?7
Dr. Dean (begins tearing up): “I sit silently with these thoughts . . . every . . . morning. Sometimes I get angry. Sometimes I cry. But mostly I just sit wondering why I'm becoming numb to this tremendous grief in the face of this tremendous loss, day after day. I work even harder to defeat this terrible foe that has taken so much from all of us. So everybody (voice cracking) please be safe.”8
Nümbnutz: “Judge, I believe these tears are clear evidence of Dr. Sidelinger’s deep dedication to the people of Oregon. He has a heart of gold!”
Booster: “Judge, these tears are evidence that this bow-tie wearing soy boy is dragging Oregon into his personal vortex of fear, grief and despair. And he’s trying to sway this court with crocodile tears!”
Dr. Dean: (sobs loudly) “Tell me why …”
Judge Chicken Little bangs his gavel repeatedly. “Rooster you are out of …”
Booster (shouting): “We need a man with stones leading our public health department, not Mr. Lonesome Me who cries alone at home and hides his head inside a dream of Zero Covid! Where’s Joe Rogan when we need him?!!”
At this, the courtroom bursts into cheers and applause. Boisterous chants of “Ro-Gan! Ro-Gan! Ro-Gan!” fill the room.
Judge Chicken Little, banging his gavel: “Order! This courtroom will come to order!”
Nümbnutz: “I demand an end to this clown show!”
Booster: “Agreed! It’s time this clown stopped making decisions for 4 million people!”
Judge Chicken Little: “Enough! Bailiffs, clear the room. Court is adjourned. I will see both attorneys in my chambers.”
. . . to be continued
Some information in this blog came from this article:
https://oregoncapitalchronicle.com/2021/10/05/dr-dean-sidelinger-big-picture-team-player-in-oregon-public-health/
And this video.
Actual quote
I scattered some Neil Young references in here, this is the first. Can you find all eight?
How to Become an Epidemiologist https://www.publichealthdegrees.org/careers/epidemiologist/
Also an actual quote
Yeah he said this too
And this
Yup, said all this too
OMG, this too. And he did shed some tears.
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This was SOOOO Funny! And just what I needed in my day.